Good news to dogs everywhere! Starbuck was giddy with excitement (at least I think that’s what it was. She may have just had to pee) this weekend because she found some extraordinary news. She found (or so she claims) an article on the interwebz that states that chewing on socks is good for a dog’s teeth and gums. It is less rough on the gums than some of its alternatives, such as rawhide and bones. And the repetitive rubbing of the cotton on the teeth helps fight plaque and tarter buildup.
When I asked her to show me her source and their study that came up with these claims, though, she became very defensive. She rebutted that she’s American. She doesn’t need no facts. She read it on the interwebz, so it must be true! Why don’t we believe her? Why don’t we trust her? Why do we always think she’s trying to be sneaky? Where is the trust, people, the trust!?!? Here she is, trying to get away with her favorite guilty vice:
Sad for her, neither my hubby – let’s just call him Nate – or I bought what she was selling, and a few seconds later that sock finally made it into the hamper, albeit with a good deal more slobber all over it.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch she is taking her revenge. I woke up at four AM this morning (AKA douchebag o’clock) with her stinky butt in my face and her little front paws in my appendix (note to self: it’s time to trim her nails again). Now, she claims that she repeatedly kicked me over and over in the gut because she was chasing squirrels in her dreams and did not realize she was actually kicking me. But I know better. I recognize that little glint in her eyes as she stares longingly at the socks draped over the dirty clothes hamper just out of reach. Until the socks are freed from the tyranny of the hamper and the dresser, she will protest. She will fight this ungodly justice for dogs everywhere. She will take a stand – and give a beating – for what she believes in. She will not rest until dogs everywhere are given this amount of freedom and happiness:
Don’t judge her! (in her defense, we probably should not have let her watch this video in the first place. Always picking up bad ideas. Thanks, Youtube.)