Back Draft

Back draft: an explosion of the gaseous products of incomplete combustion in admixture with air sometimes occurring during a fire

AKA what happens near my brother’s butt when he farts

AKA my frustration when mixed with the task of fixing the gap under our front door because, as it turns out, the door was installed crooked.  W.T.F.  My OCD cannot handle.

 

There are many great things about being a home owner.  For one, you own a home!  If you want to paint it rust orange or pineapple yellow you can (but please, for your neighbors’ sake, don’t).  The problem I’ve found since we bought our home is that you always find things to spend money on.

With summer vast approaching and temperatures rising, weather stripping has become our number one priority project.  And with the million bajillion ants that have colonized our yard this season, now is the time my procrastinating butt finally decided to take action.

So we went to Home Depot.  We bought a “slide on” door seal that seals gaps up to 0.75″.  We also bought a threshold replacement insert.  Then we got home and went to work.  The “slide on” door seal did a lot less sliding that laughing at our futility.  My husband (let’s call him Parker) ended up with a bloody knuckle, which I didn’t realize until I happened to look down and see the splatters all over the tile.  The rubber cover for our Ikea hammer (no joke, our Ikea tool set has been amazingly useful.  I know, surprised us too) ended up mangled, and the wooden block we used to hammer it on “once it stopped sliding easily” as the instructions put it ended up in three pieces.  The final result?  After a half hour of cursing and grunting and sweating, we finally got it all the way on.  Only to discover it was too big and the door would no longer shut.

Do you know what’s harder than getting a “slide on” door seal on?  Taking it off.  Ever the engineer (you would think this would mean I would have realized when I measured everything it wouldn’t fit before we got it on), I went immediately for the Dremel.  But Parker, ever the cautious one, decided it was probably best if we didn’t take power tools to the door (party pooper) so we spent the next half hour with the wrecking bar (because that doesn’t sound like it’ll do any harm to the door), pliers, and hammer trying to get the blasted thing off.  Lesson learned, but not money well spent.

The next option was to replace the threshold replacement.  I got it trimmed nice and neat with the box cutter a la Gustavo Fring style (J/K, J/K).  When I went to pull out the old insert, I realized it has a different mounting mechanism and that this style of replacement would not fit in the threshold.  Strrrrrrike two.

(For visual supplement, please find the after photo of the “slide on” door seal that looks like a seal after a whale snacked on it.  Oh and hey look, my all purpose vinegar cleaner made a cameo.  But we’ll talk about that obsession later).

IMAG0091

The final solution?  The $2 self-adhesive door bottom strip from Wal-Mart (yes, I went there, don’t judge me).  And even it taught me a valuable lesson: when you go to wipe down the door before apply an adhesive, don’t use rubbing alcohol as it will eat off the paint.  Though, to be fair, so did the water.  So maybe it was more a poor paint job issue than a chemical one.  We’ve got some work to do around the house this summer for sure.

Oh, and before I go (I still have the rest of the weather stripping to replace around the door.  Fun, fun, FUN), I leave you with this bean bag chair I found while walking through Wal-Mart.  I shit you not (ha, PUN), this is a product I actually saw in the store.  God Bless America.

Poop Chair

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